Wow, feels weird typing in here. Haven't been here for a while.
The original post is here, but I'll c&p.
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Hello.
I'm here just for Celia. : )
Because I go to school with you. haha.
I suppose it's technically a sin to 'loan' or 'give' others things and expect things back, but at the moment I have no guilt of my feelings, and no wish to further analyze the matter as relating to religious principle. I believe that repayment of ones' debts is a must; it is necessary, and obligatory, especially when both parties expect to reap reward from the effort. And as currently I am too incensed to focus on American History quizzes, I shall deliver a short 'rant' on this subject. I suppose Thomas would call this passive aggression? I forget the term. Well, it shall stay passive for only a short amount of time; I shall be confronting it in its reality in a couple of hours.
People who do not put in labor, money, time, or any other distinction of their own into collaborative projects yet expect from the efforts of others full benefits to themselves irk me. Thomas Paine, what a genius. He claimed that one had to put in something of their own and change an entity in order to claim that entity as his property. If one changes something from its natural state, one may say he has 'blah', otherwise not. Yes, very true. One cannot leech off others and credit 'blah' as his own; he has not contributed anything, therefore he should not be allowed to lay claim to 'blah'. This applies to both intellectual property and fruits of physical labor. Taking this beyond a situation affecting only the individual, if one does not contribute anything concrete to a group effort that ultimately results in group gain, he should compensate his fellow group members monetarily, and in a timely manner too. If he had not known this would be expected of him, he should have found a way to gain what he needed in another fashion, or perhaps with other people who would not mind his taking advantage of them.
My peevance is particularly with the last issue, though I can indeed elaborate further on the issue of people who insist on maintaining others' property as their own. In simple English: if you own someone something, pay it back. 'Tis a matter of principle. Not repaying one's debts when one is perfectly capable of doing so shows of him inconsiderateness, irresponsibility, unreliability, a lack of decorum, and whole string of other aggravating characteristics that render grievance upon his creditor. .. I suppose it's evident I'm speaking from the position of the latter. My apologies for the subjective nature of this matter.
I have spent on this far too much of what could have been studying time, so with that matter temporarily diffused from my mind, I shall bid thee goodbye and take leave of this now.
I wonder what it is behind this innate quality of mine to strive for the best. A lot of the time, at least. And often I don't perceive a clear distinction between the best and my best. The waters are murky and gray. I wonder what I'm battling. Self-perception? Probably not. Self-perception of others' perceptions? Perhaps. I shall have to delve deeper. Get to the bottom of this sooner or later. One of these days. Soon.
That word. Gray. Looks American. While 'grey' looks British. Just an observation.
I respect tradition, in general. Specifically and especially tradition when it comes to style. But I only follow it if I respect enough the person holding up the tradition. Like. In violin for example. During Lizzie/Peter year I paid attention to minute details and made sure to emulate as much of a professional aura as I could, because that's what is expected out of any decent orchestral musician, but during Jamie year I could care less. Lay back, slouch and talk. It didn't matter. Well that probably had to do with the difference in where I sat, but that's for another day.
I wonder why so many people out there learn only for school, learn only for the grades. And not because they like learning. I like learning. So the concept of "learning" so one can 'get that A' or whatever is one I find both foreign and despicable. Some Latin quote goes "non scholae sed vitae discimus" - we learn not for school, but for life. Amen.
I think I'm overrated. Listening to just a fraction of Lucinda's many accomplishments listed on her college app to a really prestigious university made me think, Oh wow, hey it's junior year already, and what have I done? What have I done with my time? That happens in homework too. I haven't really procrastinated this year, at least not really badly, nothing bad enough to be counted as procrastination, just a few things left till the last minute. But still, at times I don't feel like doing homework, and I sit around and laze in front of the computer and waste time. And I hate it when that happens, but it's so hard to not. So.. I'm going to stay away from the computer more from now on. Promise. I've let God down so much with promises relating to time, let's see if I can keep this one?
I think I influence myself a lot. That doesn't really make sense. But when I was seven I was taught in Chinese school one Saturday that Chinese people liked red for reasons relating to tradition and custom. And later on that night we had some sort of family friend gathering at my house. And someone asked me my favorite color. I'd never thought of it before. And I said red. I chose red. I chose it to be my favorite color. Because of tradition? I don't know. But it can't be totally that, I don't think so. Cuz when I look at things, the red ones attract me first. Or maybe that's one of those psychological things. It'd be interesting to read up more on that in spare time.
I've never been attracted to green. Don't know why. People say it's easy on the eyes, but ..?
I'm scared of domesticated animals. For some reason. That is yet unknownst to me. I saw a picture of a few goats in my bio book today and my heart caught in my throat. To be metaphorical. But really. Scary. I don't know. I'm scared of animals that look like they don't have really developed brains (meaning they're kinda really slow) and thus they'll rush at you at any moment. Eww.
I don't like mindless chatter, not usually at least. I suppose it's entertaining and stress-relieving at times. Rare occasions. But really. I choose not to engage in it. Not with most people, at least. But sometimes I wonder the difference between sharing one's emotions and engaging in.. worthless talk. Because some people do manage to go deeper when .. gossiping. Is this all mindless chatter? I hope not. I'd rather consider it analyzation of self, reflection, what's that word.. introspection.
Ideals, principles, what are countries and other institutional frameworks built on? Much is compromised for the 'public good' usually.
It's junior year. Meaning SATs and APs and the related. Where are we? High school's halfway over. We're running towards that home stretch now. It scares me that I'm so.. uneducated when it comes to colleges and the like. Everyone (generalizing here) wants to go to a UC. I.. don't know. I think I'd rather not, but what will happen remains to be seen.
Hm. Think that one of, if not the worst, feeling in the world, is disappointing someone. At least if it's the other way around you can say you weren't directly involved. But if you disappoint someone, it's usually your fault. Like even if the other person had expectations way too high, you could have done something. You could have been closer, for one thing. Ahh. Don't like expectations imposed. Excuse the vagueness. It is intentional.
Lots of I's here. Ahh. Whatever. Once in a while. For one thing, I like how I wrote this post for myself. Like, just me. Just to think and ponder. Just because I wanted to, need to, don't know.
Good bye for now. I don't understand how some people survive on like 2-3 hours of sleep a day. I can do like.. 5, but having that number dip for an extended period of time would be like.. death. Hah. I wonder what my conception of death is, if I'm comparing no sleep to death, even lightly.
Okay really now, good bye. Need to go do some homework. Or finish it up.
